taking advantage

i loved college. initially i admit it was a little tough. insecure would describe how i felt at first. (after lunch with my dad the first day, he drove up to my dorm and said, "see you later!" i got out and he drove home). then the midterm of my first quarter came and it took off. i still talk about it today. so many things happened in my college days that have formed me into the man (and even, husband and father) i am today. those days were defining to such a point that the decisions i made then and the people i surrounded myself with continue to impact me today. that amazes me. but college was a great time filled not just with book learning and valuable life lessons, but also a fabulous time to create memories. i learned to ski in college, i perfected the chinese fire drill, set the sled record on legion field with my roommate robbie on a bent construction sign, dropped a girl on her chin, watched hershel walker set records, got rejected by women, got accepted by women, went to a friends debutante, hiked a lot of the appalachian trail, shared my faith, took a ton of great photos, developed deeply in my faith, sensed my calling to be a missionary, and most important of all, i met my wife. of course, this is merely the tip of the iceberg. but all the depth and color of my college career is something i really want my kids to experience. and now i have my first child, taylor, in his first semester of school. he is following in the steps of his father's experience and i thank God for it.

it seems he is grabbing the bull by the horns and is experiencing college as i would dream for him. and i see a new depth in him. in some ways it difficult to realize that he has his own life, mostly without me in it, but it is also very exciting to see him establish himself as an adult. of course, i don't need to be in all of his life. i have had that role and experience for the last 19 years. it's his turn. he has leapt from the nest and is using his own wings. and doing well. he's a good flyer and i'm proud of him for what he is doing. he is choosing well and making vital foundational decisions that will serve him the rest of his life. from this vantage point i can see a great deal to be thankful for and i bow before God in gratefulness and utter my praise to him for his many fingerprints in our family's life and for his face turned toward taylor. i pray that taylor (and all of my kids) will see how satisfying Christ is and how utterly disappointing life without him is.

yea. i loved college. I love taylor. and now i see he loves college too. how fun is that. very.

God exists.

tomorrow morning i take my middle child, philip, to the airport for his senior trip to costa rica. it's hard to believe that he's the same child that had a major studdering problem when he was a toddler. today he told me that he called all the guys together who are going on the trip to talk about how to make this a great trip. he mentioned being authentic with each other. starting fresh and serving one another. he talked about keeping an eye on the girls who outnumber the guys 2 to 1. wow. my son has turned into a man. and a remarkably authentic one at that. he's not perfect (neither is his dad), but he has learned well from his mistakes and is moving forward in significant ways. the difference between last year and this is remarkable and he seems to be using his senior year well and seems to be growing deep in his faith. no doubt i am proud of him. and i'm excited for what is ahead for him. God has gotten a major grip on his heart and it is something i have prayed for all three of my kids. that they would see and sense their deep need for Christ. i want them to see how dissatisfying life is without Christ and yet, how full life is with him at the helm. yes. amazing. tomorrow my boy heads to costa rica on a ministry trip. if i had nothing else but my kids and my wife to prove to me that God exists, then i would have all i need to convince my heart and mind that he does indeed exist. and better yet, he loves me.

An Article on Connection

Toward Connection

Neale Davis, M.A. and Sam Williams, Ph.D.

I (Neale) remember one winter day when I was a campus minister, sitting in my office working, when a pervasive feeling of being alone crept into my mind. I had many friends and enjoyed my job. I worked with a team of peers that I liked, I had a healthy marriage, and I was plugged into a good church. I had what you think would prevent loneliness. But it didn’t, and I wanted it to change.

That day I realized the devastating effects that isolation can bring into a man’s life. For a man to be disconnected from others, especially other men, can be dangerous. Like radon gas in a house, we can live with it but without any awareness of it. And, when we do become aware of its effects, it can seem too late.

Over the years as we have counseled we notice time and again that men who isolate themselves have struggles that often culminate in calamities. We must guard ourselves against loneliness and isolation.

The reality is that most men know a lot of other men, but very few of them connect on a significant level. The painful signal of loneliness is a fork in the road. One direction heads toward (often uncomfortable) growth where, life and health is found. The other road leads to emptiness and fleeting fulfillment wherein growth is stunted.

Our natural tendency is to anesthetize pain when we feel it. Most men are very talented in this. The life-giving alternative is to feel and acknowledge the pain of loneliness, ask the Lord where it comes from and what we can learn from this red-light-on-the-dashboard pain. In other words, what does the pain of loneliness say about what is going on in my heart and in my life? Pain has meaning and can drive us back to the source of life. We are irrevocably relational beings and our relational God wants to draw us back to himself and key people that help us navigate life and flourish again.

What happens when men isolate themselves? Though not exhaustive, we see three ways that isolation impairs men.

1. It keeps him from the counsel of others.

Proverbs says 27:9 says, “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel.” We need people around us to help us choose well in life. It is those very relationships that provide essential wisdom for our decisions. I have a friend who once counseled me to not buy a car I was looking at, but I chose not to heed his counsel and bought it anyway. That car turned out to be the bane of my existence. When we counsel men we must help them understand the value of listening to others.

2. It dulls our sense of conviction.

Rationalization is much easier when we are alone and keep our thoughts to ourselves. The dulling effect of loneliness can take a man to a point where he refuses to listen or involve others. The Proverbs describe how fools reject wisdom and eventually pay the price. Not having people around us who know us and, who share our convictions, can lead to this type of foolishness. The Proverbs also tell us that by listening to wisdom we can “be at ease.”

3. It deceives us into settling for less than God has for us.

Satan’s temptation of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden wasn’t an outright lie. It was worse. It was a half-truth. Men buy into those when they say, “What is the harm in a little look?” or “a little fudging on my taxes is no big deal.” For me (Neale), it comes in the form of an unhealthy discontent with what God has provided for me (forgetting that this is so much more than I deserve). Yet, if I don’t watch myself I begin daydreaming about how to spend the lottery money. Sometimes I’m very “noble” as I think that I could help ministries by giving them part of the money, but the primary themes of my dream are several houses, endless vacations and not working. The bottom line is that unless we are surrounded by guys who challenge our thinking and point us to Christ then we are much more likely to wander down the seemingly harmless road of sinful dreams.

Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Our dream is to sharpen men by challenging them to detect the early warning signs of isolation and to fight against it by boldly reconnecting with God and others. Authenticity, a deeply textured life with an honest heart open to God and neighbor, develops in the context of community, a web of vibrant connections with God and His people.

veracity

this semester at southeastern has stretched me in ways i never thought possible. i am taking a class in hermeneutics and it is rocking my world as i learn how to come face to face with the God of the universe.

to be very honest, i walked into this class thinking it was more like bible study techniques, systematic theology. i wasn't really sure if i would like it and i assumed that it would be a boring class. it has proved over and again to be anything but boring. it has challenged my thinking and my entire approach to scriptures. i have deepened in my love for God's word in ways that i cannot believe. and my love for Christ has expanded and become more real than it has ever been for me. and i'm excited. very excited.

that's not to say though that there aren't moments when i wonder what i'm doing. in fact, my professor is a brilliant man and speaks, sometimes, in ways i can't understand. there have been occasions when students have asked him questions that i wasn't sure what they were saying. but it has evened out now. i am beginning to grasp the concept and watch God take the word deep inside me. now he is moving and changing me from the inside out. it's quite exciting, too.

so, now we are half way through the semester and as i progress and read continually to keep up i am hopeful that by the end of the semester i will be a different student of the word.